Acclaimed Author Jesse Leon on Tragedy, Struggle, Hope, and Success.

Episode Notes

Transcript

Jesse Leon:

Thank you, Tony, for having me here today. But before we start getting into today’s conversation, I really would love to ask all of our listeners to do me three favors, and one is to please be aware that I may be speaking on issues, human trafficking, housing insecurity, and homelessness and substance abuse. Two, that although situations and circumstances in my life may have been different than yours, to please, please try to relate to the feelings behind what it was that I was going through at those points in time in my life and how they may have impacted me in my personal life with my family, my career, and my professional journey, as well as my educational journey. And I say that for me because it’s real easy for me to want to separate myself from other people. Rarely do I feel better than I oftentimes feel less than, like I’m not worthy and I don’t belong here.

And I too don’t want to be judged, especially by other men because the topics I talk about, oftentimes men don’t discuss, especially men of color. And three, if you can think back to when you were 10 or 11 years old and who planted your seeds of hope, what did you look like? What were you wearing? What was your hairstyle? What clothes were you rocking? Because I was a nerdy, nerdy, nerdy little brown boy with welfare thick frame glasses with really bad eyesight on my left eye. So the lens was really thick on one eyeball and thin on the other. So the glasses fit lopsided on my head all the time. And I parted my hair slick down on the side with a part on the side with a pomade called Res Flores, three flowers. I basically looked like a Mexican alfalfa. And I say that because being homeless was not on my list of where I wanted to go.

When I was an 11-year-old nerdy kid, being addicted to heroin and crystal meth and sleeping under a bush in a park was not on my list of where I wanted to go. And being sex trafficked with over a couple thousand sex partners by the time I was 14, 16, and 17, was not on my list of where I wanted to go. And so when we feel hopeless, when we feel like we’re on burnout or like we don’t matter, I’m here to remind all of our listeners that you do matter. And in your work, we are planting seeds. Even if you don’t see them grow, you matter. You’re not alone and you’re not broken.

Tony Sipp:

And welcome back to the Paralegal Voice. My name is Tony Sipp, and I’m so, so happy to have my friend Jesse Leone with his book. I Am Not Broken, Jesse. We became friends immediately. So much so that you autograph my book to say to my dearest, bestest friend. Tony, thanks for doing what you do. Hope all is well. Jesse, Leon. Jesse, I’m so, so happy to have you on. Thank you, my friend, for being here.

Jesse Leon:

Thank you for having me. Seriously, it’s an honor to be with you again. Been back at you,

Tony Sipp:

Jesse. You’ve been traveling, you’ve been going, you’ve been doing so much. You’re a big advocate of educating others. Can you talk a little bit about what have you been doing?

Jesse Leon:

Definitely. Thank you, Tony. I am blessed. I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams. I never thought that writing my memoirs, I’m Not broken, and the Spanish version both published by Penguin Random House, and then the TEDx Talk that came after titled Sex Trafficking, the Lost Boys, that it would’ve catapulted me to this international scale of sharing a message of hope to one, give voice to other survivors, other warriors that are out there, especially men and boys and members of our two-Spirit LGBTQ plus community, to be able to de-stigmatize speaking out and seeking help that we’re not alone. My book, my TEDx talk, talks about my journey of being sex trafficked from the ages of 11 to 17 years old, which 11 to 14 was out of a gift shop in San Diego without my parents knowing. And then what happened throughout my journey of living on the streets, running away to Los Angeles and walking Santa Monica Boulevard and Hollywood Boulevard hopping in and out of hundreds of men’s cars to be able to get money to support my drug habit because my traffickers, the individuals that caused me sexual harm, started drugging me when I was 11 years old as a method of control.

And so what I’m doing now is I’m a consultant to the federal government, started with the last administration carrying over, I hope into the new one. I work with Homeland Security. I work with the Department of Justice. I work with the Blue Campaign. I work with the Department of Health and Human Services, adult Children and Families Division, where I review protocols and I talk about where there’s some potential gaps in identifying male and boy survivors and how we can make sure that the resources are available because it’s not just identification or someone speaking out, reaching out for help, it’s making sure that those resources are available when someone is identified or does speak out so that they don’t fall through the cracks like I once did when I was placed in the Victim Witness Program. And for four years, my therapist, knowing what I was doing to support my drug habits and never once recommended drug and alcohol treatment, never once requested a family therapy session, even though my mom was begging for them. But because my mom didn’t speak Spanish, the therapist did not, and refuse to meet with my family. So my life is a blessing, Tony, man, I’m living the dream. And I wouldn’t have conceived that at 11 years old the day before I walked into that gift shop that my life would’ve taken the journey that it has. And that here I am years later, inspiring hope in others to not give up in spite of living their worst nightmares.

Tony Sipp:

You’ve been somebody that has been on my mind for many reasons, and I think it’s great. My big tie in, I love politics. I love the law, and I love the tie in to the law and politics. That’s my thing. And being able to situational awareness of what’s going on and what has been going on. There’s a lot of Jesse that we don’t know about, right? That we need to make aware. And you’re making people aware of that, and I appreciate that about you, which is the reason I really, really, really wanted to have you on. What helped you tie in the legal side of what was happening to your advocacy that you’re doing now? How did you tie the two together and discuss something that’s really uncomfortable to talk about?

Jesse Leon:

It’s very uncomfortable to talk about, but once I started speaking, when I got into recovery into NA and aa, I’m clean and sober 31 years, I got clean and sober at 18 years old. I got clean and sober at a time when there weren’t many young people of color walking into the meetings of AA or na or any 12 step fellowship that looked like me. And when I walked into my first couple of meetings and I looked around, I thought, damn, these people are old. I mean, they’re 35 years old. They’re 35. Oh my God, they’re 40. It’s funny. Now I’m 50, right? I’m 50 old now.

But I remember looking around and thinking, damn, if I was 50 years old, I would’ve stopped using a long time ago too, man, looking like you do. Oh God, no. But in all honesty is I started finding out when I started speaking openly about it in my recovery circles, that I wasn’t alone. That there were many other men and boys, men that had experienced some sort of sexual exploitation, trafficking both labor and sex and sex abuse at a young age and tried to get help, or the authorities did get involved. In my case, the authorities got involved, detectives got involved, the police were involved, and I fell through the cracks. I was not important enough for people to deal with my situation, or they did not know how does the child go from being 11-year-old, loving, nerdy kid to being trafficked, being placed in the Victim witness program by the state of California, which is now the Victim’s Compensation Board.

And from 14 to 18 attending regular therapy sessions and continued to go down the spiral that I did. It’s not okay. But when I found out by others that they too did not receive the resources, even though the authorities were involved, that there was something wrong with the approach of trying to help men and boys dealing with sex abuse, sexual exploitation, and trafficking. At minimum, we should be able to have access to trauma-informed care. And what I’m advocating for is gender affirming, multilingual trauma-informed care and wraparound services that addresses the needs for all warriors and survivors of human trafficking. Whether it’s labor, sex, sexual exploitation, or abuse. We should not be going through this journey of healing and trying to reintegrate back into society with all the barriers that we face.

Tony Sipp:

I’m not a person that’s lost for words, but let’s take a quick commercial break and we will be right back. Listen, I know you’ve been a big advocate of helping others. That’s why we connect. I’m an adult black male, that this could have happened to me. How do I reach out and seek help? What can I do? What is my government doing for me? Maybe it’s not my government, maybe it’s an NGO that’s going to help me out with this. I dunno. But I want you to know that there’s help for you.

Jesse Leon:

And actually though it’s sad, because there really isn’t, which is what I want to talk about, and that’s what I’m working on. That’s really what I’m working on, is making sure that the resources are available. Because what I want to get across, what I really want to get across to the listeners is that I am working on a framework to engage philanthropy, the private sector, high net worth individuals to create public private partnerships with governments, with nonprofits, to be able to have the resources so that when a survivor is identified, that they get the resources they need to rebuild their lives. Because right now, there is none. We have over 7,000 animal shelters in our country. I love my pets. I’m a proud dad of two hairless cats. I love my kitty cats. I do. I love my cats. But we have less than 600 beds across the United States for sex trafficking survivors, less than 20, lemme repeat that.

Less than 20 for men and zero for boys under 18. The first house for boys that are under 18 will be opening in June of this year in Texas at Bob’s House of Hope. Had I waited until the reauthorization of the Victims of Trafficking and Violence Protection Act in 2018, which is when the victimization of males began to be recognized. I’d have been dead a long time ago. You see what people don’t talk about, Tony, is that up to 50% of sex trafficking victims in the US are boys that lgbtq plus youth are seven times more likely to experience acts of sexual violence than their heterosexual and cisgender peers. Familial trafficking, that’s when a family member is doing the trafficking, is 37% of all trafficking cases in the United States online. Forms of sex trafficking increased during covid by 45%. And so when I think about these numbers, it’s really troubling.

This is why I’m trying to engage the legal sector. This is why I work with district attorney’s offices across the United States. This is why I do presentations and trainings to police departments and sheriff’s departments across the country. Because when I go to presentations and I hear speakers talk about human trafficking and don’t mention boys, it hurts because we continue to be invisible and unseen. And I firmly believe that we can learn a lot from our sisters in this movement, the women that have worked tirelessly to make sure that survivors have a voice, that the Me Too movement has created some traction.

Tony Sipp:

What opportunities, what hope do people have to get the help that they need and the resources that they need to help themselves? Am I saying that right?

Jesse Leon:

I think you are. And the fact that you’ve even invited me to even be a part of this conversation. Thank you.

Tony Sipp:

Yeah. I want you to be a part of this.

Jesse Leon:

And you’re using your voice, you’re using your platform exactly. To raise an important issue, because I don’t expect all men to come out and to say, Hey, me too. What I’m trying to say is that we need to de-stigmatize men reaching out for help. We need to de-stigmatize seeking mental health support. But this issue goes beyond just mental health and housing. It’s about the intersectionalities that exist in our communities when people have lived with some serious trauma, oftentimes it’s substance abuse, it’s mental health, it’s lack of housing, lack of wraparound services, and the lack of support. You welcomed me with open arms. Tony, you’re a black man who just clearly said, you know what, Jesse, I see you. I don’t care that you’re gay. I don’t care that you’ve been trafficked. I care for you. And let me help you lift up your platform, because I believe that we need a space for men to be able to reach out for help.

But once they do, reach out for help that the resources are there. So see, when my book came out, when my TEDx came out, my phone was blowing up. I had executives from different financial institutions saying, Hey, this happened to me too, Jesse, and I’m a straight man who has turned to drinking, and I don’t know why, but I’m having flashbacks all of a sudden about stuff that occurred to me when I was 8, 9, 10, 11 years old. Now at this point in my life, and I’m in my forties and I’m taking it out on my wife, I’m snapping at my children. When my wife touches me, I cringe. I don’t even want to touch her back. And this is bothering me, and I don’t know where to go, Jesse. And I know it has to do with me not addressing a lot of the traumas I experienced as a child.

Where can I go to find a support group for men? And aside from one group that I know of called Men Healing, so to all you listeners, men healing.org, it’s the only one that I know of that provides support groups for men, straight, gay, however you identify, to have retreats to work through these issues with other men. And the only reason I know is because I sought it too. And I went out and I did a retreat with them. Out of the 15 men that went to this men’s retreat, over a weekend of recovery, only two of us were gay. The rest, 15 other men out of the 17 were all heterosexual. And it was a place for men to come together and start addressing issues because it impacts your life, whether you believe it or not.

Tony Sipp:

And we’ll be right back. Listen, Jesse, thank you for saying what you said. I do want to be informative. I do want people to get help that they need, but it’s important for me to help others. Thank you.

Jesse Leon:

No, thank you. I mean, we have no clearinghouse. No clearinghouse exists that connects male survivors to support networks or multilingual trauma-informed therapists, and there is no current platform. That’s why I’m really trying to connect with AI and VR companies to find ways that we can vet therapists or ensure that therapists have gone through the training to work with men and women that have experienced serious, serious trauma, whether it’s through EMDR, brainspotting Parts work that we are able to connect the people, the paralegals, the attorneys, the people that work in the DA’s office that are prosecuting these cases, as well as those that are working on the defense side to make sure that they too have access to trauma-informed care. Because when you’re working on these issues, whether you’re defending or you’re prosecuting, I firmly believe that you are being exposed to some really tough cases. And who was there to support you? Who was there to support you as a paralegal that is working on cases? You’ve worked all day at the law firm. You’re working every day to try to make sure that this case gets addressed. That case gets addressed. Who’s there to support you when you’re having a bad day and you’re drained and you’re going home to suit up, show up. Be loving, be caring with a smile on your face for your husband, your wife, your partner, and your children.

Tony Sipp:

I can’t say more. I’ve worked on a lot of cases in my lifetime on litigation and Catholic churches. There’s been a lot of cases that we’ve worked on. So I’m so honored to have you share your story with my audience that I’m in a position to share with. And if I can help somebody else out there that is uncomfortable, I want those people that are uncomfortable to talk about this situation. Everything that Jesse has just shared with us, there’s hope. Please reach out to Jesse. I have his book. I have his book that he autographed for me personally. So if there’s something that you can share with our audience that can help them get the help that they need, I think it’s a good opportunity to share. It’s okay. It’s okay. Mental health. Black people like to talk about mental health. We don’t do that. But the pandemic made it okay a little bit. For some, it made it okay to talk about, but now I want people just to be comfortable to talk about stuff that’s difficult to discuss.

Jesse Leon:

The main things that I would love your listeners to walk away with is one, if you have children, hug them. Love them. Tell them you love them. Tell your children that it’s not their job to protect you. Because in my case, my trafficker, my abuser, the individual that caused me harm, threatened me with finding out where I live and killing me and killing my family. So when you’re a little brown boy, when you’re a little boy and all you hear from your dad, from your uncles, from the men in the family, if anything ever happens to me, it’s your job to take care of your mom and your sister. Since as far back as I can remember, you’re being told that you’re the man of the family. So your job is to protect your parents. No, that’s not okay. So having that honest conversation with the child and saying, it’s not your job to protect me, even if someone threatens you with threatening us.

Two, there is hope. I was able to go from being homeless, weighing 135 pounds, sleeping under a bush next to the world famous Balboa Park, to going to community college for four years. It’s not a race. I did beauty school for one year, Tony. I was a hairstylist man. I became an expert in black hair. I am fierce with finger waves and updos and braids and extent like, Ooh, I am fierce with black hair. But it took four years, man. And then I got a full ride to Berkeley. I was able to organize with Angela Davis. I was able to work on prison industry. I was able to read books like their Eyes were watching God, or started learning about documentaries like Eyes on the Prize. I learned about who Emmett Till was. I do believe that hope is possible, man, and we can go from being homeless and trafficked to graduating from uc, Berkeley, Harvard, and UPenn. Those changes are possible, man. And for any of your listeners that want to get ahold of me, Jesse Leon author.com, if you hear a speaking engagements where you need a motivational speaker, where you need someone to instill a little message of hope, to those of us that work day to day and trying to create hope in others, and you feel like you’re on burnout, reach out to me. I’ll make myself available. And don’t forget to get your copy of I’m Not Broken and No, also available on Audible.

Tony Sipp:

I do have that on the order. I do have that on my

Jesse Leon:

Shameless plug of my beautiful voice.

Tony Sipp:

You have to, brother. I am so happy to have this conversation with you. A lot of you have different disciplines that you practice. This is part of the reason I do what I do. You mean a lot to me, brother. So thank you for being you, and thank you for continuing to motivate me to be a better me because this is what I fight for.

Jesse Leon:

Thank you, Tony. Thank you for being a man who leads with empathy. Thank you for being someone who sees me.

Tony Sipp:

I see you. Thank you. I see

Jesse Leon:

You. Gracias. Gracias, gracias, gracias.

Tony Sipp:

All right. Hey, this is the end of the pair, like a voice. I’ll see you next time.